i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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