Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
