I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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