I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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