I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Your mouth is God's brothel.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
