just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
