Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
