I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
