some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
