I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
