Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
