I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
