trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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