Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
