hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
