..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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