You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
