Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
this hospital has no fireball
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
