My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
