Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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