Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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