You can't motorboat a personality
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
