if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
