who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
