I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
