my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
