We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
