We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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