You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
