I think i peed on brittanys purse
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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