Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
