If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
