he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
