You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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