Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
