we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
