My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
