I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
