like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
