i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
