he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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