That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
