boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
