I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
