Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
