I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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