you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
