In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
