..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
they need to just BURY HIM!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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