I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
