Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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