gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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