At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize