highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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