She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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