did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
