Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you would pick up someone in the library
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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