"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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