We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Cover your peen. We're going out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
