We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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