We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
