i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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