The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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