Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize