Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
